the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
