do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
