When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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