I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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