the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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