i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
