my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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