I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
