i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You made out with two different species that night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can you bring me the toilet please
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
