I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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