My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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