Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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