State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
