Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
