There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i've created a new STD.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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