Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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