We won't sleep together?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
