that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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