So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
