do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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