think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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