I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Are we still banned from the library?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
