She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
40s are totally the cure
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
