cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize