We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
