What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
