I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
