who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
