He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
