Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
