so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
