His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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