Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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