I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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