I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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