Heybabeimwearingurpanties
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
