I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
