I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
