i need an iv and a liver transplant
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
