I cannot find my penis.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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