dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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