Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
