Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
