I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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