My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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