the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
