remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
