I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize