oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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