Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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