In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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