My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
