my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
