Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
