we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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