I got chris browned last night
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
