You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
