Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
