epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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