i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
