Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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