I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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