Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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