I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
