The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
